Today I read a phrase of enlightment.
Maturity is measured when it reaches the level of open communication, the ability to apologize, being truthful and accepting accountability; all without blaming someone else. (Maraboli)
I have to keep telling myself that through out all I am going through with my 2 adult daughters, they are still young and have yet to grasp the actual thought processes behind actions and reactions. No matter how much knowledge a person has, it is with age that you start to see the differences.
Truth behind the phases of living is real. I have said for so long each decade brings me more knowledge that allows me to understand where they are in their growth cycle. I truly believe the 2 ways we can ever move forward after hurt is one by growing through it or two phasing into IT and OUT OF adolesence. My job as their mother is to be there for them when they are ready to reach out. If that day never comes, well thats one I will have to phase through.
But I cannot nor will I ever close off those ties of being available to them. I love these girls so very much. They are so smart, yet very different. And they each have their own path to walk in this adult world. No matter how many children they themselves have, they are still my child first. And I can only continue to pray that God will open their eyes and allow them to see that they too will be where I am now. I hope they never are because I would never want them to feel the pain they have caused me.
Something one also should pay attention too, the silence. Silence is a powerful tool. It can mean many things. Refelection, understanding, trying to give space. I need to keep this in mind as I go day after day of not hearing anything. I have to keep in mind these little gems of knowledge as well:
Sometimes the less you say the more meaning your words will have when you speak.
I can't take everything personal. Not everyone thinks as much nor as deep as I do.
If you focus solely on a problem, only the problem will matter.
No matter how much it hurts now, only after will realize how the pain changed your life.
There is a lesson in meeting every person you know. Either they enrich your life, or you enrich theirs. All the rest is just noise.
The only person in life you have to please is the person staring back at you from your mirror! Never be afraid of change.
It can be very beneficial when you allow the ones who interfere in your happiness to take out the garbage themselves. Don't stop them! Let them go!
In reflection of these, they are still bitter sweet while being very validating. Self care is very important in order to face the challenges we all face in todays world. Learning how to self care is the hardest thing I have ever done. Because I fight for the people I love, I fight for the things I believe in, and I fight for justice of truth. But then you meet that one person thats just not worth the fight. And that is devastating when that one person was brought into your world by one of your own people.
It definately makes it hard. But I am slowly learning. I will never give up! I will just become silent.
It will come around again. And I will be here waiting to love them as I always have!
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