Influencers

I never heard of "influencers" until I was in my late 20's and people started talking about the influencers making money on the internet. Hype was built up around that and the Kardashians. All I knew of those people at the time was porn culture and pretty girls the mom pimped out. O, and that Jenner he-she. And that was it. That was all I knew. So, I was a little uneducated in this area. I did what most people do. Look up the word in an actual dictionary and see where the similarities were between the two. 

Influence means capturing a [persons] attention at large. It is the capacity to have an effect on the character, developement, or behavior of someone or something, including the effect itself. 

Hmmm...I remember so many shows back in the late 90's that Disney and Nickelodeon put out. So many that were headed by the producer, Dan Schneider. So many kids who came out later in the 2000's and spoke out about the things he did or had done to them. In case anyone missed it, google it. It was huge. 

There were 8 more men as recent as 2023, who worked in different areas within the Disney area in Florida who were captured and convicted for varying child sex crimes as well. 

Do I think Disney or Nickeloden had a hand in any of this? No. But I think they missed the mark on their screening capabilities when employing these individuals. And therefore, somewhat complicit. Because TV by far is one of the biggest Influencers ever.

And why these two industries you might ask? Because they were both geared for and towards children.

And as parents, as A parent, I was guilty of allowing my children to watch what they wanted on these two networks. I trusted these two networks for their discrection and keeping things simple for kids. But I was wrong. I have come to understand there is NOTHING on a TV or within a studio a parent should ever trust when allowing their kids to watch these shows. Same goes for computers and the internet.

The majority of living people have an inept need to want to be regonized, somewhat popular, if not famous. Its a catch 22 when you talk about children. Because these kids cannot do this stuff themselves. They have to be groomed into it, into wanting it, and then dealing with the mess after the parents use up [their] money and then walk out of their lives, leaving them to try and pick up pieces of a shattered life. Now left without a person to help or guide them. 

We have seen this occur with Brittney Spears, Amanda Burn, and even Drew Berrymore. These people have gone through things I cannot even begin to imagine. And now I sit my child in front of this box and think nothing of it! These young people we raise then become adults and they have these ingrained idiologies that has been taught over decades of episodes. They become teachers, educators, facilitators, or tik/tok famous to name a few. 

Or they go to college where they are yet again get prayed upon in their idiologies by others like minded and made to feel validated and therefore become enbolden to be whatever they want. No matter the reality of the space they are in. 

Some will become mothers and they will actually harm their children, known as Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, today referred to as Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (FDIA). This is a mental health disorder and it is child abuse. It is where a mother will use a child to get sympathy or gain favor via the creation of ill health of an otherwise healthy child. Their mental health has now become inflicked on the child. The parent gets recognition she otherwise does not recieve. This becomes a problem and can become so severe, they can actually kill their child(ren) all while trying to fell validated in a way that is wrong! 

How stupid are we? I admit, I was totally stupid in this area. My only hope in writing this out is that many people do not use a TV or a computer to educate your children in the morals and values that are true in this world! I think I failed in this area. I see my own children and their lives are like a TV show without the hype. And that is not an easy area to be in. 

I look harder at the life of my children and I can see where each of my daughters was influenced. I can actually pinpoint it. 

Now no one likes to be told that they follow. Especially my eldest. But she is a follower. Of so many things she herself can change. The youngest as well. But the youngest doesn't have children to influence thanks be to God. 

We go through life saying we will not be like our parents. Everyone of us. And we do not see ourselves as bad parents. But we have to acknowledge the damage that we allowed into their life. People, mothers, who worked 3 jobs and tried to do and give all she could for the children, have a very hard time with this. I do. I did. I too was a mother who was NEVER going to be like my mother. 

I ask myself why now. My mother was not bad. She was for all intense and purpose, a validating mother that gave a lot of herself to ungrateful children. More than she should have in many areas. And she never quit. She has never quit being my mom! Ever! She may not call me for months at a time and like wise, but I can call her and she will pick up the phone and we will talk and laugh and sometimes cry but she never blocks me out. She is there, in a quite corner, just being. She has accepted all her defaults and has apologized for what I deemed as wrong towards me. We cannot change it. We can only move forward. And she allows me this! I find my mother morphing to be like her mother. And God never made any person greater than my Nannie. So there is good here. There is so much love. And there were lessons we both learned and grew from. And I so appreciate the sacrifices now. More than I think she will ever know. But I hope she knows I too will not ever fail her. 

I think my only wish in looking at my children, is that they learn this earlier. I am not here to dictate your world you created and reside within. I just want to be a part of it for the bigger picture. The aftermath. The memories. The comradary. 

If we never have differences we can never grow, learn. But we have to know before hand what was missed. What was done to influence the trajectory they, we now live. 

You cannot move forward looking back and blaming without accepting any responsibilty once you examine the fained "injustices" you placed on yourself. Actions and reactions on more actions and reactions creates a very hostile life. One I do not wish to be apart of in any form. 

So influencers, yeah, not my cup of tea! I have no use for the ones that chose to be something other then the simplistic true person they are. I do not jump on bandwagons because it is a fad to do so, or because it is seen as morally right by some. I typically follow my gut instinct. In which, I see and feel good and bad. And there is far more bad and bad rederic than good in this new era. 

One may call it as being racist to certain groups or facisim to a prescribed culture. I call it neither. I call things for what they are. And I see through the bullshit. I clear out the noise. I have accepted their paths. I wait and I watch. I know the end for these daughters of mine. I have been here before. I will be here again and again, because we are all different. And until we can accept it of each other, nothing changes. 

I look forward to my granddaughter who looks at me with the most loving blue eyes and sweetest face, growing and knowing who she is and being validated by herself alone. She will not ever need others to tell her who she is, she will know, because she is so loved by so many, she won't care what outsiders think and say. She will only value what her people say! And she can be morally educated to listen others views and not be entitled to idiocies pushed upon her by other groups of individuals who cannot think for themselves solely. Is it sad to say, I look forward to this? 

George Orwells "Animal Farm". This is what I see when I look at not just my daughters, but my sisters as well. A social experiment that will fall and will carry with it all the innocence lost. And I pray I am not here when this happens. Yet, I was complicit in its making. Sad facts. 

 

To each of my daughters

 Just so you know, 

I would have texted you. I would have called to check in.

But you (each) seemed fine with not needing me in your life. 

I watched you make those mistakes. 

I heard the little lies you told to everyone and to yourself.

I was aware of your pain,

but again, you appeared good with your choosen path.

And while you were fine, I was devestated. 

I cried everytime the phone rang and it wasn't you.

I cried everytime I pulled out of your driveway from visiting the grands.

I cried each night and prayed to God to help me make it through the next day.

My heart is broken in ways that I pray you never know. 

And while it is of our making, it doesn't change the pain level. 

I do not know how to get back what was taken from me.

I do not begin to understand how and why it happened at all.

I only know that at the end of every day, I miss you. 

I miss you and you are still here. 

All of this because I choose to love you. Everyday. Without fail. 

And everyday a repeat cycle. 

I do not know if it will end. 

I know my phone doesn't ring.

I know your arms will never wrap around me again. 

I know your love feels conditional.

I know my love for you is unconditional. And that I hope to be here when you decide to lower your walls and except each other for who we both are. 

I may very well be the only one holding on. And I tell myself its ok. 

Its me not to give up on those I did not chose, but that God chose for me. Giving up on you would be in essence giving up on His trust He gave me when He gave me you.  

I will give you the space and time. I will grant you the access to inflick that pain. Because I simply love you. Without conditions. 

And as always, I will be here when you are ready,

Crying, praying, waiting. 

Lifes lessons personified

1. Happiness is a lot of work. You can’t be lazy or entitled to achieve it.  2. You will make mistakes and they will only define you if you give it that kind of power. If a lesson is learned, the mistake is well worth it.

3. You are not a prisoner to your past and you are allowed to grow. 4. The world owes no one nothing. It does not care who you are, where you come from or what you think you deserve. Everything you achieve will have to come from your own dedication to what you do and love. It will not be handed to you easily. 5. People do not get to tell you who you are. Make peace with who you are so that no one ever has the power to tell you what you aren't. 6. Work hard. Never go into anything heart hearted. If half hearted is what you get out, it's because it is all you put in. Recognize the difference and the changes you can make to be more prosperous.

7. Respectability is earned by how you did the job, how you precieved and resolved matters; not the title by your name.  8. Show up for your people. No matter what has happened, show up. That’s what people will remember about you at the end of all of this.  9. Choose grace for others as you would yourself.  No one gets it right all the time. You won’t either.

10. Do not let bitterness anchor your soul.   11. Have fun. Be adventurous. None of us are getting out of this alive so make the time you have count with the people who actually matter.  12. Laugh in the good times and the bad. Your sense of humor and your ability to take a punch will set a strong foundation of stability.

13. Living is never without issues. Issues will always be there. For the tougher ones, make sure you have a sound resolution before you oppose any issue. Opposing alone will not resolve them. But having forethought on the outcome will be enlighting.

14. If there are things you can make better, take the step. Sometimes the outcome will be far better than the worry you placed upon it.

15. Love God. He’s the most consistent thing you’ll ever have. The most consistent person you will ever know. So get to know Him! Not just what others tell you.

Oysters? Who knew?

Anyone ever stop and think about something so small, so minute to our daily living its really inconsequential to even bother with? Like, say a rock? A rock you happen to think is pretty and you pick it up and you think to yourself, how did this rock get so smooth? How do it get here in this flower patch? I wonder who else has held this rock before me?

I do not have to ask my hubs this. He does this ALL THE TIME with his arrowhead obsession. He is always thinking of who the last person to touch that arrowhead was? What indian tribe they belonged to? If they belonged to native indians or further out indians? Was it used to kill for food or was it used to kill a person? He says the history of arrowheads is one he has always been fasinated with. Because how they are shaped, the ends of the arrowhead, the rock itself, can all indicate where and by what tribe these things come from. 

But still, rocks and arrowheads are inate objects that I rarely give thought to. Its not that the history does not interest me, its just it doesnt have a life cycle so to speak. A heartbeat. Nothing giving it a true since of belonging other than where it may or maynot have come from. 

BUT, the oyster. that is a whole different ballgame. As my hubs and pops were sitting here indulging in these little slimmy things, I found myself wanting to know about them. Why? I have no earthly idea except they are living and they are fasinating when you stop to think about their life cycles. 

Absolutely fasinating reads on oysters. You can cook them so many different ways and they absorb the flavors you cook them with. If you do a chicken and oyster gumbo, they absorb the chicken flavor. Not surprising because many animals taste a lot like chicken. But if you add cheese, or tomato, or onion, it absorbs these as well. Giving it more florish to the oyster itself. I didn't know that! I thought they were like snot balls and tasted like snot balls, because you all know we have nasal drainage and that people, is snot balls. But anyways...

Did you know?

• They are a shellfish.
• An oysters life cycle starts as a fertilized egg that free swims around in planktonic water, in the trochophore stage using its cilia to enable movement. 
• It feeds off of microscopic organisms. 
• They transform from mobile to fixed during the metamorphasis stage. 
• It uses Spat to adhere to a strong surface and begin its adult life cycle. Spat is like glue to secure its spot among the others. This is refered to as the spat stage.
• Oysters have a heart, thus has a heartbeat. Located just under the large adductor muscle they use to open and close their shell.
• Oysters have blood that is colorless.
• Contrary to popular thinking, oysters are not crustaceans; they are apart of the mollusk family. While both fall under shellfish; oysters are like scallops and muscles, soft bodied with a hard shell. Where crustaceans are like shrimp and lobster, having an exoskeleton with legs/arms. 
• You can not tell rather male or female by looking at them.
• Osyters are sequential hermaphrodites, meaning they change sex during their life cycle. Typically they start as males and can later become females. They can also alter between the two sexes depending on their surroundings such as water temperature, age, food, even the sex of surrounding oysters. This allows them to have equal sperm and egg availabilty for production, thus insuring their prosperity.  
• As a rule of thumb, I had always heard never eat oysters in months of the year that does not contain an "R". However, I have learned via research that female oysters in non "R" months (May-August) are much more tastier, juicier, plumper because of their stored glycogen.
• My only question now will be, how can one tell if female? You can't. So stick with what you know. 

All of these facts and much more about these little fellas, I find very interesting. Not sure in their life cycle how far they can travel roughly, but on land, I want to start a fun project. Something I hope others will lean into and do as well by adding in images and doing their own painting and posting within the group I am creating. 

I am going to start by placing 25 painted oyster shells around my area here in Virginia. I want to see and document their individual travels. So I will start a FB page (to include pictures of each one) for them and I will paint and send them out into the wild. And while we wait to see the updates and pictures that I truly hope will come in, I will keep everyone updated here and a link on the FB page as well when I get this started. Hope to get my grandkiddos involved as well. I think it will be interesting for them to learn, watch, and see just how far things can get around in this world if done correctly. 

Lets see how far this special species really can travel. 

Cease and dissist

I need to place this here to protect myself against the harassment of others seeking to harm me and my forms of therapy. I am a writer by trade and have always found it to be theraputic. Blogging has helped me interact with others either for or in opposition to better understand something I am not in full understanding of.

I recieved a threatening phone call this evening by my daughters partner stating she will file a suite against me for harassment and defamation and she would call my job to tell them whatever she deems defamationable to me. I have this recorded thankfully and placing all info here to protect myself. 

And to warn each of you, this is MY BLOG. Do not STALK my thinking/therapy if you cannot handle what you read. Otherwise, I will intern file my own charges of harassment and defamation, which I can prove with your phone call this evening.

I have not brought anything to light that is unknown, defamed her in any capacity, nor harassed her at all. I have not reached out to her and I will not allow her to continue to reach out to me. 

This is my space. She is not welcome. I am NOT facebook friends with her so she is going out of her way in seeking me out. Please cease and dissist! This will be my only time asking.

Harassment is unwelcome, offensive, or intimidating behavior that violates a person's dignity and creates a hostile environment, often linked to protected characteristics like race, gender, or religion, encompassing verbal abuse, bullying, unwanted contact (emails, calls, stalking), threats, and offensive jokes, which can be a single severe incident or persistent actions, leading to psychological distress, fear, and significant legal consequences for offenders, especially in employment contexts. 

I am not harrassing anyone by writing about my own personal thoughts and theories. 

I am not intimidating or bullying anyone. 

Types of Harassment

• Sexual: Unwanted sexual advances, comments, or displaying suggestive materials.

• Workplace: Discrimination-based behavior (race, age, disability, etc.) that makes work intolerable
  .
• Cyberbullying: Online harassment through social media, messages, or comments.
• I suppose this is what I am being treatedned of/with. But this is my personal Blog.
• SIGNS OF HARASSMENT
• Feeling distressed, humiliated, intimidated, or threatened.
• If she feels this way it is her own insecurities. Not me. I know she threated to call my job. Not me threatening her at all. 

• Receiving unwanted calls, texts, emails, or visits.
• I have not called nor texted nor emailed her, yet she repeatedly does all 3 to me and is now stalking my Blogs.
• Experiencing offensive jokes, comments, or displays (posters, images).
• I have not done this. I would not do this.
• Bullying, name-calling, or physical threats.
• She has called me many names. I only refer to her as my daughters "partner".

• Legal Aspects
• Unlawful if: It's so severe or pervasive that it creates a hostile work environment or makes enduring it a condition of employment.
• This will be my avenue if she proceeds with her threats. I have my own grievences! 
• Protected Characteristics: Often involves bias based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, or disability. 
• I do care what she identifies as. 
• I did not have an issue with her until she thought she could step to me on MY vacation.
• Effects on Victims
• Emotional distress, anxiety, depression, and fear.
• SHE has created so much stress on me this is solely why I created this Blog.
• Impaired ability to use one's rights or perform daily functions.

What to Do

• Document incidents (dates, times, witnesses, details).
• Have it all documented and prepared. 

Types of Defamation

• Libel: Written, printed, broadcast, or published online defamation (e.g., in a newspaper, on a website).
• Slander: Spoken defamation (oral).

Elements to Prove Defamation (Plaintiff's Burden)

To win a defamation case, a plaintiff generally must prove:

1. False Statement: A false statement of fact (not opinion). 
• She has actually spread false information about me and my hubs. I can prove defamation and bring witesses to testify.
2. Publication: Communicated to at least one other person.
3. Fault: Made with at least negligence or actual malice.
• Her actions are solely malice.
4. Damages: Harm to the reputation, though some statements ("per se") are presumed harmful.

• Defenses to Defamation: A true statement cannot be defamatory. 
• Everything writ within is my truth at large. I have not called names nor engaged in anything defamatory outside my truth and assessment of my life experiences with the person.
• Opinion: Statements of opinion are generally protected speech. 
• By 1st admendment which includes but not limited too;
• Expression: Protects various forms of expression, including spoken words, writing, symbolic actions (like flag burning or wearing armbands), and even the right not to speak.
• Unpopular Views: Guarantees the right to express controversial or offensive ideas, as long as they don't cross into unprotected categories.
• Priviledge: Absolute (e.g., in court) or qualified (e.g., in good faith workplace reports) privileges.
• Retraction/Apology: May mitigate damages, especially in some states.

Unlocked thoughts

My hubs has been watching documentries on TV and there is this show about inmates, their being on lock down for so many hours of the day in their 9x9 cells, or whatever it is. Maybe UNLOCKED is the better term. (I think this is the name of the episode)

My immediate thought processes are they are there for reasons of their own making. And to be honest, I am all for justice. I was half paying attention to it. I mean its just people of all different backgrounds having individual ideas of how to survive when thrown together in super small cells/blocks. I am not even sure where this was or in which state/jail/prison this episode was happening. 

But the warden did something new. And I started to get interested in it. Which is crazy for me, because these shows are allowing us glimpes into this world. And I feel its just a sympathy ploy. Because as a law abiding citizen, it really makes no difference to me what happens in these places. 

But this sheriff/warden selected this certain block to start managing themselves. Opening doors into the main pod all day was the first step. 24 hour full recreation room access. The officers have monitors watching camera footage from within the rec room. Officers will come in if need be, but the minute they do, the program is over and 22-23 hour lock down picks back up, and the program fails. 

If they can manage the pod, have no incidents, no fights, build trust and communication amoung themselves, the program will continue to be beneficial for everyone. Possiblilty to spread to more pods. 

They all have issues, they need to figure out how to work it out amongst themselves without reverting to violence. They need to squash any mistrust amoung the differing populations and choose leaders of each ethnic background in order to do this successfully when and if issues arise.

It got me to thinking. These people are in this one pod. All ages, all races, all ethnic back grounds. There is language barriers and things happen that set off each of them off. Especially in the younger population. It is like they have to take a stance and asssert their dominance. Drug addicts, they only care about a fix. They dont care about no program. So this too is a huge thig they will have to rectify because contraband relapses the program as well.

So the warden iniciates a new program. As long as they can work out there issues between themselves WITHOUT officer involvement, have no contraband in the pods/cells when checked, and obey all the rules posted, he will give each inmate free phone usage. 

This is the first initiative to keep at this program. Because some of these people have not spoken to their families in a very long time. This forces these people to want to keep this reward and working for the better involvement of others who are not really caring. 

Second initiative, $50 each week on every inmates books. This one resonates with all of them really because they dont have money to spare. They rarely get anything from commacery and what they do get they have to barder away or be indebted to over. So this helps them get those extras and takes that booky system out of the pods. 

Third initiative is to restart visitations. And this is another big one because so many jails/prisons has done away with visitations because of all the contraband being brought in. 

I watched this and saw how these people came together. They are firce in these institutions. They are loyal only to their kind and the racism is rampid. BUT this program made them work as a team. A community. A way to start acting more positive instead of more gangster. It was a very interesting watch. The converstion was mind boggling. I think this sheriff may be onto something. And I know many say this is crazy. But after watching, I saw the minimal involvement with officers. These inmates are being trusted to care for themselves and it is eliminating the extra personnel having to patrol. So that opens up a wage difference where they can give these people positive reinforcements and afford to do so. 

Having them chose their leaders and having them pass those batons onto the next when one gets out was actually something I was amazed to see. 

Yall tell me what you think of it. You Tube TV. Its called UNLOCKED. Tell me if they are crazy or if you think this is a good idea for when these inmates get out. Because I think it helps them start to take responsibilty for their actions and inserts positivity into their lives instead of always being put down, destroyed and given little hope in themselves. I think it sets them up to step up and want to be active leaders. But these are just my thoughts...watch and let me know yours. 

 

They ,Them, 2 V's and a Wedge...sounds erotic huh?

Hey peeps. 

OK. I cannot make this stuff up. Well...I guess I could, BUT I didn't.

I think stress brings on crazy dreams. Has anyone else ever experienced this? 

So, I had a dream and it was of course about these children I have. My youngest daughter that is. 

My youngest of course NOW uses pronouns such as They/Them. Never bothered her or ever crossed her mind for it to bother her up until she got with this current "partner".

When my youngest and I were living in Hawaii, she had encounters that we have had so much fun over and laughed about, like literally belly laughed at for many weeks after. Once we were at a drive through at a Jack-In-The-Box and the attendee at the drive thru told her "You should know your mom is always right sir!" I looked at Ash and she looked at me and we busted out laughing! 

Another time, we were in a restaurant and she was coming out of the restroom and a lady was going in. The lady stops, looks at her and turns to check its the ladys room before she continued on in. Ashley came to the table laughing and told me what had happened and we both had a good laugh with that one.

I tell you these things not to insult my child. Because to know her is to love her! No matter how she choses to dress or look. If it suites her, it suites me just fine.

I tell you because at one time she fully understood she was NO victim to her own making. She knew it was different but it fit for who she wanted to be and she was ready to face those facts head on with humor and dignity for others to feel and think the way they wanted too. Because we are all out here trying to love and be loved and THIS is what made people love Ash so much.  She is so endearing you have no choice but to love her when you first meet her. Just ask all the friends she made in Hawaii.

She does not allow, NOR SHOULD SHE OR ANYONE ELSE, let others judge her without knowing her. This is why Ashley being gay has never bothered me. Because she is such a well loved, well nurtured, even headed young woman. Or was. I am unsure who she is anymore. Today, I do not recognize her truthfully! 

She has never used these pronouns and found them a little sus. 

But I am now understanding the meaning in full. They/Them means they CANNOT work as an individual at all, ever. Regardless of parents worries, friends concerns or anything else that warrents caution towards the "new person" "partner" involved with our kids. 

The 2 V's, they stand for Victimize and Villafy. These have to be used intermittenly in order to gain full control over the others way of life up to that point. So that they become the only two in the circle of They/Them. No one else matters. And certainly not the parents! 

The person/partner has now taken over the persons life. They have WEDGED themselves into every relationship the other person has ever built in her entire life. She has villified all who have loved Ash throughout her life. She has victimized Ashley into thinking we have kept her surpressed, depressed, and making her an alcholic. She has convinced Ash we are her enemys. And nothing was ever for her own good. Nothing was of her own making.

Guys, this "partner" comes from Michigan. She meets Ash online, via gaming and mutual friends. She is very intuitive. Like she knew, spotted Ash, probably miles away. Ashley has always been a follower. She doesn't lead. She isn't meek. She just chooses not to be confrontaional if she can help it. She has always, as an adult, been able to express herself and be heard. No one in the family has treated her any different regardless becasue these choices were hers as an adult. I have advocated for her as I have for each of my kiddos. 

But this "partner" after 2 weeks of knowing Ashley online, visits here. She stirs up some shit with Ashleys best friends at that time. She wedged herself in-between Ashley and the friends. Until Ashley has no friends, or at the least, limited association with them. 

She systematically does things and monopolizes Ashley's time by staying on the phone with Ashley hours and hours at a time. To the point where Ashley works, comes home, and sits in her house on the phone with this chic. She doesn't go out. She does nothing as she use to do. 

Within 3 weeks of that first meeting, the "partner" has found a local house to rent and moves here from Michigan lock, stock, and barrel. She says things that are stupid like, "Imma knock this bitch up" "she aint going no where" "Imma keep her barefoot and pregnant", haha, and laughs about it, only it's no laughing matter when you realize she really thinks she can do this. That's when I realize theres an issue, but whatever. I don't say anything. Aint my issue. I don't live with her. She is Ashley's issue. 

Only she is not. 

Ashley no longer does anything without this chic. She hardly visits. She doesn't spend any time with any of us any longer. And all the issues are everyone else's issues. Not theirs. So, ok. I'm ok with that because there is truth there rather I like it or not. Their relatinship is just that! And it is new and exciting for them and I am happy as long as Ashley is happy. 

Only, we are seeing more and more we don't like. Systematically! 

Ashley has always treated me like a friend. Always. She is just as honest with me as I have always been to her. 

First time we get invited over for dinner, its Mexican, and I do not eat Mexican, so I opt out and just sit and drink my tea and chat. It is only Mike, myself, Ash, the partner, and Patty, my mom in law, Ashleys grandmother.

Second time, we are invited over to a cookout and we are all having fun and eating ribs and burgers. Nothing unusal except its strained because Alyssa and Blake came. And after the shit the partner "stirred" up in the first meeting, Alyssa and Ash have not spoken and do not engage in any conversation that the "partner" isn't fully aware of and/or involved in. The partner says mean and nasty things about Alyssa at this event, behind her back. I ignore and will not play into this.

Third time we are invited over and it is Ash's other side of the family, meaning her Bio-mom and step dad as well. The partner and Ash go out of the way to get the bio-mom food because she doesn't eat Mexican either. No one called to ask me if I wanted anything different knowing full well I do not eat Mexican either. I saw this for what it was, another WEDGE. To let me know my place I suppose after not laughing at the jokes the partner said about Alyssa at the last BBQ. 

When I say systematic...it is VERY systematic. 

So I do not go to anymore invites nor will I. They have called and asked many times, and only Mike goes now. I will only be treated bad once. After that, I'm done. So that is where I am. And it is my decision so I am ok with it.

After the beach debacal, I have tried to contact everyone and make peace for myself. To make sure they are ok. To maybe reach a resolution. 

My eldest son reached out and we chatted it out almost immediately. He was misinformed on several issues and lied to on others. So we are in a good spot now. 

Youngest son and his girlfriend, well, lets just say he had my back, but he is not confrontational either, so he silently sat in the back ground. The girlfriend, well lets just say with friend's like that, we dont need enemy's. I am sure she has her own set of issues and we can resolve this when she too is ready. 

Mason is not ready and she has said that to me, so no worries. I'll check back later. She has to accept her part and responsibility in everything that happened. And for her, I am sure she is telling everyone she is not thinking about it at all and don't care. But I know different. 

Ashley, she did call me, but only after I sent her a warrent of debt she owed to me. You see, she got a DUI in NC few years back and she asked me for money to help her secure an attorney, which I did. She said she would repay me, which she never did. And you can cut off your parents, but in doing so, your repayments/debts come due. So I sent her a certified letter stating I would take her to court unless she called me. 

The partners SYSTEMATIC influence has now encompassed Ashleys life. 

Ashley called me to rectify this issue for herself SOLELY! I was hoping for her to ask me how I was. But I saw real fast it wasn't about me. It wasn't even about a resolution. It was about the arguement! After 45 minutes of back and forth and crying and getting upset, I realized she will never see my side as long as she is in that relationship. She says she is her own person, but we see otherwise! So I forgave her the debt, and I told her I would be here when she was ready to take accountability for her part in all that happened as well. I apologized like 10 times that night on the phone and asked how we move forward, yet I got no legit response. At that time, I was ok with all that becasue I had done all I can do with my daughter! And the ball was in her court. Where it still sits. 

Yet 2 weeks later... the hubs gets a text from the "partner" asking for us to have a sit down and talk about everything because she is concerned about where Ashley is mentally and feels it is in Ashley's interest to do this. I politely tell hubs to do whatever he wants but that I will not go through the partner to talk too or about my daughter. I will wait until she herself reaches out. That's all I said. 

But then I get an email. And guys...I'm putting it here for all to see and read. Because I will not be a victim in this! Nor will I be the villan! And when I say this person is just a nasty person, I fully mean it!

Read, let me know your thoughts if you have any. If I am wrong, please, tell me where you think I am wrong so I too can understand. Because at this point, I don't understand this chap. A 23 year old that has infiltrated my daughters life and telling me I can not talk to my daughter unless I work things out with her first! And if this is the case, well I guess that is it!     

BUT... the partner can only have but so much leverage until you have to start to look at Ashley. She is wrong in this as well. She and the partner both should stop looking to blame and start looking at what they started. No one asked them to take lead on MY vacation. But somehow this chic thought she could. But I'll be telling that story very soon. So stay tuned! It's a lot to unpack and to be fair about!

Anyways, thank you all for taking the time to listen to my airings of this dirty laundry! It helps me and I love hearing not just confirmations on my behalf, but understanding maybe more of their side perhaps. Because I'm at a loss! 

I might add, she reached out to me and started this conversation but by the end I was the one who messaged her...boggles the mind! 

She is Black text, I am Blue text. (Text/email between the "partner" and me) _____________________________________________________________

If there’s anything you’d like to say, you’re more than welcome to respond to me  At this point in time, Ashley has no desire to have any type of communication with you, which is unfortunately why she has not responded to your contact attempts.

I however, am trying to help you fix things. So my inbox is open  

As you said; we don’t want any “3rd party bullshit” so I figured I’d come directly to the source  

-Monique   

Im not interested.  

Nothing is broke on this end. Mike concurs with me. And he mentally can’t handle this like u say Ashley cant. So as I told Ashley n I will now relay to you, best wishes. I wish none of u ill will. But we have to much going on in this year n last year’s issues will not interfere. So thank u but no thank you. When Ashley is ready to talk to us, Mike or me, we will be open. Until then, no worries. Yall r good where u are. As we are. 

"This" is you, Danielle.

You said horrible things to both of us. Because of your actions, Ashley doesn't want anything to do with you.

I, ME, was trying to extend an olive branch. Unsurprisingly you are not willing to set your pride aside to fix things for Ashley. I can't say I'm surprised.

You won't get the same Olive branch from Ashley.  

Leaving her a voicemail saying she needs to fix things, is incorrect. 

None of this is on Ashley. 

100% of this is on you. 

This is 100% your fault & your actions. Which I was willing to discuss; put to the side and move past - for Ashley's sake. 

You are a disappointment of a mother to not be able to be an adult & fix your issues for your child. This is not Ashley's responsibility. It's yours. 

Im not talking to u about Ashley Moe. No matter what I do it's none of ur business.  

You aren't talking to Ashley about Ashley either. She doesn't want to talk to you. Which is why she is ignoring you. Get a grip Danielle.  

Move on. There's nothing here for u guys. I know it's all my fault. Let it go already. We have. 

 "We have" You let go of your child that easily? You're disgusting  

"There's nothing here for you guys" 

I was unaware that Mike wasn't there for Ashley. 

I'm not keeping Mike & Ashley apart. 

You are. 

And I'm trying to fix that. 

Why do you want to be a wall between them? That's her dad. 

Bye Moe. Done. Just go. U r a nobody who knows nothing about me. And never will.

 I know that you hurt Ashley & I. And that you've taken not accountability for it. Nor have you apologized or tried to fix things with Ashley.

I am trying to fix things. Which should be your responsibility.

Is there a reason you're trying to keep Mike from Ashley? And why you're making this difficult?

To me; it seems like you have too much pride to admit that you're wrong & you did wrong to Ashley. Rather than owning it & fixing it. You're just disregarding it & writing Ashley off. Ashley mean more to me than that; I'm it's disgusting that you're able to try & write her off like that.  

You're a disappointment of a mother. 

I’m not. Him n I both agreed that we would not use 3rd parties. Either of our girls reach out to us individually wanting to settle stuff we r game. I’m sorry u see it different.  It’s not meant to hurt anyone. It’s meant to take out the noise Moe.  

The only way you're going to fix things with Ashleys. Is if things are fixed with me.

Which I'm trying to help you with, for Ashley.

It's unfortunate you're too prideful to fix things for your kid.

I understand why your children are no contact. You can't fix things with a narcissist. Enjoy your solitude Danielle.  

He hasn't responded to u bc he doesn't want to engage in that. That's all it is. Him nor I either one wish u n ash nothing but prosperity.  We do not need to sit here n call each other names. I do not want to do that. If u want to talk to me. I’m game for that. But not Mike n Ash if we need to rectify a situation.  

“Either of our girls reach out to us individually"

"We agreed no 3rd parties"

Yet here you are, messaging me- in his stead.

Gotcha gotcha gotcha.

Danielle. Bye      

You've missed your shot for an olive branch. Girl bye  

I’m not prideful, nor am I ashamed of anything other than saying things better left unsaid bf. I want ash n Mike to have a relationship.  Im sorry u see me as holding him back from that. But it’s kinda like what u just said...Ashley don't want to talk to me, he doesn't want to talk to u. I bowed out. I would not have called her if it didn't effect Mike visibly earlier today.  

I told him I wasn't interested but he could do whatever he wants. That's all I said. Then when u texted today...I said didn't u tell them I can’t meet. Bc I have surgery coming up n tomorrow is my consult. This again is no big deal. But for reason u r attacking me

Oh yes. Poor Danielle is the victim & being attacked. Same old story.   

Whatever Danielle.

Some people just don't change. Can't say I didn't try lmao. Girl BYE    

I was trying to help YOU fix the shit YOU did. And you flushed the chance down the toilet. 

Sounds good    

 

Older and more enlightened

Today I read a phrase of enlightment.

Maturity is measured when it reaches the level of open communication, the ability to apologize, being truthful and accepting accountability; all without blaming someone else. (Maraboli)

I have to keep telling myself that through out all I am going through with my 2 adult daughters, they are still young and have yet to grasp the actual thought processes behind actions and reactions. No matter how much knowledge a person has, it is with age that you start to see the differences. 

Truth behind the phases of living is real. I have said for so long each decade brings me more knowledge that allows me to understand where they are in their growth cycle. I truly believe the 2 ways we can ever move forward after hurt is one by growing through it or two phasing into IT and OUT OF adolesence. My job as their mother is to be there for them when they are ready to reach out. If that day never comes, well thats one I will have to phase through.   

But I cannot nor will I ever close off those ties of being available to them. I love these girls so very much. They are so smart, yet very different. And they each have their own path to walk in this adult world. No matter how many children they themselves have, they are still my child first. And I can only continue to pray that God will open their eyes and allow them to see that they too will be where I am now. I hope they never are because I would never want them to feel the pain they have caused me.

Something one also should pay attention too, the silence. Silence is a powerful tool. It can mean many things. Refelection, understanding, trying to give space. I need to keep this in mind as I go day after day of not hearing anything. I have to keep in mind these little gems of knowledge as well:

Sometimes the less you say the more meaning your words will have when you speak.

I can't take everything personal. Not everyone thinks as much nor as deep as I do.

If you focus solely on a problem, only the problem will matter. 

No matter how much it hurts now, only after will realize how the pain changed your life.

There is a lesson in meeting every person you know. Either they enrich your life, or you enrich theirs. All the rest is just noise.

The only person in life you have to please is the person staring back at you from your mirror! Never be afraid of change. 

It can be very beneficial when you allow the ones who interfere in your happiness to take out the garbage themselves.  Don't stop them! Let them go! 

In reflection of these, they are still bitter sweet while being very validating. Self care is very important in order to face the challenges we all face in todays world. Learning how to self care is the hardest thing I have ever done. Because I fight for the people I love, I fight for the things I believe in, and I fight for justice of truth. But then you meet that one person thats just not worth the fight. And that is devastating when that one person was brought into your world by one of your own people. 

It definately makes it hard. But I am slowly learning. I will never give up! I will just become silent. 

It will come around again. And I will be here waiting to love them as I always have!

If this resonates with you...

 Hey again people. 

Came across a very interesting Video. Im sharing the link below. 

It's about our grown children, those of us who have grown children that is. And this lady is speaking to me about my two daughters. I found it uncanny and comforting at that same time. First, uncanny, becasue I thought I was the only one who was going through this. Second, comforting to know I am NOT ALONE.

This a hard time for me because as mothers we are forced out by our adult children that we give, and gave, so much of our time and love too. It is hard! This was hard to listen too. But I wanted to start here because it is a great way to start the next chapter where I open up about the horrible 2025 vacation I tried to have with my family. 

To say that vacation broke me, well, it did. Something in me broke and I do not think it is repairable. I think its fair to say we all play a part in it. And me being the confrentational person I am, its not easy to admit the wrong I did. I recognize it for what it is or was. 

So watch this video please. And if it responates with any of you, please feel free to jump in and comment. I am open to hear your thoughts. Maybe it can help me, or someone like me, to view from a different lens.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1DyZWyQXy5/

Something is Changing

 Hey people.

Top of the day to all of you who have had a feeling that something weird is going on lately.

Starting early last year, my husband and I started noticing our phones and computers and smart TVs doing things that all he and I did was talk about, in the comfort of our home, alone. 

Or so we thought. By the end of 2025, we had both experienced and acknowledged there is someone/thing in our home and it is listening to us. Because when we speak about new shower installs and all of a sudden our ads on our phones, commercials on TV, are directed at that project we had just discussed! 

It has happened about just general stuff and it cannot be coinsidence alone. I feel something smarter than us is analysing each one of us if we choose to use and parttake in any of this AI stuff that is being released. Only thing is, I have no idea what it is. 

I have had AIs Alexia, I have Googles ICLOUD, I have Meta Rayban AI glasses. But I have had many of these things; the smart watches, the ipads, the android phone (bc it is my favorite even tho I pocess Apple computers) and it has been processing analytical data within my house for years I suspect. 

Recently, I heard a podcaster say some interestig things about AI. He said we have not even began to see what this weapon can do. He called it a weapon! He said that it will be within our life time we see AI as a weapon of mass distruction. He went on to tell a story of how AI test project 3 had rewrote another AIs test project and took control of its data completely rewriting it in another language. 

Is this even possible and where is the proof of this? Other than in a Hollywood movie, I feel this is so far out there!

But is it really? I have no knowedge of AI and its capabilities other than CHATGPT. Is this an area that lowly humans are finding fun and playing it assisting in the data that can detect and take over ones actual being/existance?

Guys, I am no conspericy theroist. Im still not convencied LHO did not kill Kennedy! I mean, it is suspect to see that narrative when LHO was shot and killed as well, why one would think this way. 

But, is it unhumanly possible for my computer to overtake and rewrite my life? 

Is there anyone who like me has had this happen or even noticed it? Please, let me know your thoughts. 

And if you are in AI data research field, can you possibly share some info on what is going on and how it all connects? I am at a loss and woud love some opinions here.

Thanks guys! And Welcome. Lets Chat it out!  

Updated: Video from Starbase & Glen Beck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkBmKhegzDI 

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1KTLx8xU2L/