When it comes to death and dying, I actively encourage EVERY PERSON to go to a healthcare facility and sit with a patient, day in and day out, doing what nurses do for them on a daily before they even think they can begin to weigh in on the subject of dying with digity.
As a society, how have we NOT allowed a person to do as they want/wish with their own body? I get the arguements. I get society is looking to religion to free us of having to make these decisions. I get that it is not easy to talk about death of any loved one. What I do not get is how we are just now finally approaching this as a nation.
I get all the morally corropt ways this has been allowed, that is one thing I DO GET. I have witnessed the families not visit. I have seen the appointed family care giver treat that family member as a burden when they think no one is watching. I have seen them tell the doctors one thing, yet go home and gather that government check on that family members behalf and not have one real care about that person except for IF THEY DIE, the check stops! And the system, the very rules placed upon the healthcare industry as a whole; the doctors and nurses and courses of treatment, the fatigue, the financial drain on the system itself, is HUGE. It is a money making avenue for big coorperations and pharmacuticals. And all at the expence of allowing a person to suffer!
Is it in the best interest to a patient to do what my Uncle did? After being in full control of all the facts of his condition, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger? Someone thinks that is wrong? I cant begin to tell you the devastation it created because of HOW it was done solely. The way he had no one to talk to about it and was done with little to NO dignity. Not the way he would have wanted in any case, I am sure of this.
He did not want his grandson to find him that way, blood every where, pieces of brain matter, and him having let go of his facualties, the graphic scene. But by the time he had decided to take his own life, those were the little things he did not think about, of that I am certain! Those were the little things that when a person is faced with no resolution, results too because they do not know what the moments AFTER death looks like if someone is NOT supporting and helping them with that decision.
I am sure there will be people who say, no, I kill deer (ie, animals), I am aware of death and what happens after. But in truth, that is a whole different ball game and healthcare people understand it a little better than the average person. There will be some that say they have gone to war and have had to kill a person/people, so they understand. Again, not the same when you speak about someone you do not know verses someone you do know. Rather you as a person want to acknowledge it or not, there are differences.
I do not know the right answer here when it comes to assisted dying. I do know people will always have a reason to hold on to a loved one. I know people will always want to feel like every possible avenue has been taken before talks of the end stages. I do not think it is something that should have a pros and cons list attached to it for sure. It is a decision that should demand careful and meaningful dilligence from all parties involved. Including the patient if it is possible.
A few years back, I watched my husband do everything he could for his dad, who was diagnosed with liver cancer. For two years, he became the sole support and provider for his father. He took him to doctors appointments, he cooked his meals, gave him baths, gave him his medications 3 times a day. He followed to the letter everything the doctors asked him to do. In the final 4 months of his dads life, he watched his dads body die out before his brain did. He had moved in with his dad for these 4 months so that he could do everything that was needed without involving a full time healthcare worker. The hospice nurses are so far and few between. He took on that role. That is not to say he willingly did it. No one wants to take on this role. He did it because this was his dad. He did it because he promised his dad he would not leave him. He did it because he was the only one who could!
For 2 years, he watched slowly as this relatively strong, healthy man deteriorated before his eyes. He was going down so fast at the end and my husband was trying everything in himself to help him feel better one more time. I remember him calling me late at night and just having these break down mental moments when his dad was asleep. I remember him telling me things that I still can visualize to this day. Having to force him to eat some days. Having to talk to him like child or allow him to talk about things that were hard for my husband to have to listen too. Having his dad cuss at him for putting him through this. Having his dad bag him to just kill him. Because his pain was to great.
I remember my husband crying uncontrollably on the phone one night saying he wish he had the strength to just go in there and put a pillow over his face and be done with it. Not for my husbands sake, mind you. But for the deep love and admiration, the respect, the dignity, he felt he owed his dad. For it to just be done for dads sake! Oh, man what a memory that is to have to revisit each day now, huh? I try to place myself in my husbands shoes and I cannot. I cannot begin to imagine having seen all he watched his father go through, to fight the fight, only to arrive to this very outcome!
My husband was literally at his wits end by the time his dad did pass, that I seriously had major issues with my husbands own mental state. He wasn't sleeping, he ate little, he smoked more than I had ever seen him smoke. He drank, Lord did he drink. And the ramblings were always the same. The tears always came and the angish was there, raw and relived each time. These words do not even began to discribe the scenes that he had gone through properly. No one knew my husbands grief. No one, not even me, could understand the gravity of the begging his father did to just be dead already. And even in that, my husband felt as if he failed his father.
Can you imagine? The depths? The angish? The burden? And feeling unable to do a dying mans last wish? And that man being your father, someone you love and respect immensly?
I hated it. I wanted to just fix it. To just fix him somehow. To help him forget that last 4 months and be done with it. But no matter, it was not my problem to work through, resolutely resolve, and move forward. It was my husbands and all I could do was support him, give him his space, and be there when he needed me.
Life has a funny way of giving us opportunities to change course when we need a new direction. We moved to Colorado for 3 months. Change of scenery, change of pace, can reset the soul sometimes. It is very hard for a person to pull themself up after devestation this great. Hubs and I left town for a while and when we came back, it was easier I think. It was calmer. It was for once not flooded with guilt and remorse, but replaced with memories of good times. My husbands good times came flooding back and replaced the grim that had enveloped him immediately after his dads death. And I finally felt as if my husband could finally move forward knowing he did all he could have possibly done, within the law, for his dad.
And therein lies the issue. WITHIN THE LAW.
People on death row, people who go out and sometimes torture, rape, sodimize children; we give these people a shot that puts them to sleep, to kill them, and its justified because a life for a life makes it all ok to that end. These people do not deserve any form of humane consideration in my opinion. I think when a person is murdered at the hands of another person, they should be killed in the very same form their victim was killed! Simple death is too easy for these criminals. And lets face it, it does not deter their behavior. But when you factor in sodimy, cutting, torture, it may give pause to the next person who thinks of killing and the manner in which its done, if convicted.
How, as a society, when a pet is terminal, we can put them down. It is not considered murder? Nope. Its called humane! Yet we do not offer those same humane avenues for people?
And this can be said for any difference between pets and humans actually. Take abortion for one example. Laugh all you want, but if I took my pet to the vet and asked for them to abort the puppies in her belly because we, me and my dog, live on a budget, people would think I was crazy! Yet, as humans, we expect to be able to do it to ourselves. Legal or unlegal abortions, it is still murder!
Helping a loved one into the next life, it is murder. But it can be done with the grace and dignity each human being deserves. Having full knowledge and understanding of their terminal illness; having full capabilities of, if able, the patients understanding and involvement; loved ones, doctors, should be envolved. It should be any persons right! At the very least an avenue to have available.
I understand it is a thin line we have to tread on carefully. I fully believe in less government as opposed to more! Government should be involved in a few things such as gathering taxes and building borders and military. Other than that, we as a people should not look to government when it comes to bigger issues. Abortion, euthenasia, even mental wellness, should be left, NOT UNCHECKED, but with the people individually involved in these cases.
I think it is past time, if government is involved, to have these talks. And I for one am for it! May not be right for every situation, but for those suffering, it could be a huge win that alleviates what my uncle did not consider in his own suiside; or what my husband was comfronted with and its gruesome mental aftermath.
These are just my thoughs. Virginia link below looking to adapt laws for these very situations. Take a look. Let me know your thoughts!
https://www.facebook.com/reel/1282375283942757
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