Even family members have a season

Behind every man, is a woman who gave too much to the wrong people.

Now I find my most peace within, instead of with those that never prioritized; never chose me; above everyone else. 

Everyday, me as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, grandmother; gathers within my own mind and memories. Me, who never gives up on those that chose another path, another direction. We are all fundamentally different. Acceptence is virtue.

I think back to what my son said to me at the beach, "mom, you did not raise us that way!"

I raised them to be strong and independent. To be formidable in the face of right and wrong. I feel as I have accomplished this and I have no greivence over that.  

I encourage him now to recognize THAT very truth and know where and to whom those lies sit within that whole display. Because the truth is, I did not raise my children to be singular minded. To hate another person because of differences. As I do not hate a person baised solely on their individual belief system. Todays world is too diverse to entertain that as even a plausable day to day role which to engage. 

I am learning that even family members can have a season. 

No need to falsify your own hatred, if you, yourself have any. Own it. It will be ok in the end. Even if it is something you cannot admit to yourself just now. 

Counseling has been an eye opener for me. A place to gather and consider. I once thought I always considered everything from every prespective. I now know that is not what I did. I would do what so many people do. I would NEVER sit with it. I would react. I would get mad and stomp my feet. I would tell myself it will pass. 

I cannot let this pass. I cannot let lies stay hidden. I will always expose those lies and who tells them. 

The differences in how I raised my children and how I LIVE MY LIFE, are no different. And they know the truth. The whole truth. They have talked about it and they KNOW. Their silence will always tell me more than anything else. And that is no longer my burden. I have recognized this for what it is. 

I give silence in return. Because the lies no longer interest me. Their own coddling of people that are here for but a season, will be their own eye opener. 

One denominator. That is all it takes. And allowing them to destroy everything within my own personal family; I recognize hate for the very first time. Like unadulterated hate. Hate that I lean away from because it is not who I am. But it is there. Recognizing it has been very helpful. I cannot say I will ever understand it. I never thought it a possibility for me to hate anyone. 

But I have to sit with this lesson learned today. I have to hold it for a while. I have recognize it and apply it and try to gain an insight. It is hard. Because it involves my life. My family. 

But I am learning that even family members have a season!