People and Bandwagons

People can handle rejection.

What they can’t handle is silence, confusion, and spending months in silence with zero clarity. And no one wanting to accept. Just blame! Accuse! Attack! Repeat! One by one, and then two by two. All directions. All the time. 

Feedback doesn’t have to be brutal. But it should be real.

This is the last thing I have to say on anything concerning my kids. 

I learned a lot over the past few days. I learned that in my darkest moments, I need someone in my corner too. I need that someone to be someone that is mentally stable, physically capable and 100% supportive, regardless. I can not look to people who have a vested interest in any portion of my life. I have to go outside for that.

I have seen karma work in recent days, and in ways that make grown men fall to their knees. Karma will always have the last laugh. And it doesn't matter what I do. It will find you and make you the next example.

I am sorry there have been grown adults that feel the need to interject themselves into me and my childrens issues. But I need each of you to understand a few things before you do. 

I have never beat my kids. I have never gotten drunk and drove them around in cars. I have never abandoned them at anytime in their life. I have never given them to another to raise at any point in their lives. I have nurtured. I have bathed. I have fed and clothed. I offered to them more than I was ever given. I loved them through hard times. I laughed with them. I cried with them. I played with them. I read to them. I tucked them in at night. I yelled at them. I grouded them when necessary. I expected manners but it was not always given. I expected them to do good, feel good, be good, be gracious, be respectful. As every mother knows, no child comes with a manual. But I had morals and values I was taught in life by my parents and grandparents, and I passed those down as best I could, onto them. Like each of us try to do. For the most part, I raised very strong, individual kids. They are my pride, rather I am theirs or not. I have learned that love should always be the biggest and greatest sum from any and everything else. And while I thought I had done that, my children saw it different. I do not wish to minimize their feelings on their thoughts, ideas, memories, etc. 

I let my children know early on, I was not their friend. I was their guider and their protector solely! We could be friends after they were adults and making their own way in this life. And that is how I see I done it. I never sought to be a friend! Children do not need more friends. They need structure. They need security. They need your love solely! I never bought into the whole friend area. I did not have time for that. I know one day they too will go through this whole saga again, rather as friends or guiders, brought on by one of their own because no one ever learns from being told. They learn through their own mistakes. 

However, I remember when I had to beg my daughter to give her dads girlfriend a chance. Mason had two small boys and she said the girlfriend was trying to hard and she did not want another person coming into her boys life, for her dad to just up and leave, and take that person away from them. I got that. Totally understood Masons position on it. You can not label a person, judging them by anothers characteristics. Meaning, Mason thinking her dad was shit, would mean anyone who dates him had to be shit as well. No moral characteristics at all! I know she thought this because she and I did talk about it. And while those were not her exact words, that was the meaning summed up. 

I fought for the girlfriend when Mason did not want to even consider it. I advised her to at least give the girl a chance. To NOT judge her based on her fathers past shared relationships. It wasn't fair to either the boys or the girlfriend. Mason conceded at some point. Maybe not because of what I said, but because the girl was a good girl. Of good stand up moral character, with or without Masons dad! And luckily, with time, and even seperating from Masons father, she proved that to Mason! 

But now I suppose she feels she is better fit to assume MY role and I wish her luck! And that Mason gives her more grace than she has ever, or will ever, give me. I find it sad that an adult is actually positioning herself in what I see as a childish display with "unfriending" facebook idiology. But then again, what can I expect from people who are trying hard to ingraciate themselves into my world. 

I would have expected a little courtesy message asking for more information or something. Nope. Just deleted as a friend. And so be it. I would have expected some type of reciprocal respect from this woman. I have always credited her and given her props for everything she has helped with when it came to my kids. For her to do this to me without a split care, just tells me all I need to know. It can validate her. But trust me, karmas a bitch to reconcile with! 

I have a sweet boy I am friends with on facebook and he literally hates his mom. HE is always asking me for advice on how to deal with his issues with his mom. He tells of horror stories of being left at home at the age of 3. Being woke up from a dead sleep with drunk men in his room. How he never felt protected. Never in one place long enough to have a bedroom set up. 9 different schools within a 5 year period. She was an alcoholic at 13. And the drugs he was exposed to being born from an addict. Granted she is recoverning now, with Gods grace, and trying to heal her broken family. Still, I tell him all the time, "do not talk bad about your mom, because no matter her faults, she had him at a young age (15) and she did her best by herself, with no education to help her. No knowledge to get out of that cycle. Now mind you, I do not care for his mother either. But it is THEIR relationship and my issues with her SHOULD NEVER BE HIS! No matter the little stuff he wants to dwell on. Some point, it will all cease to matter. Trust me on that!

So as I write this I reflect on what I thought was a friend actually. She was here for Masons wedding. We went shopping together. I am always commenting on her pictures with her grand kids and mine. I support the relationship she has with my children and always have. 

And then my sister noticed she did the same to her, deleteing her off facebook. And it is sad, because WE did think highly of this girl. And the only thing I can deduce this to is that she has placed herself where she feels she can because she has been allowed to do that. And for that, I am greatful! At least what I know of her, she is decent. She has always been to me, except for this. And I will not judge her as Mason tried to do. Not my place. Just wish them luck. 

However, deleting me and my sister isn't far enough. You should go that extra mile and delete OUR HUSBANDS and OUR PARENTS! I mean, please, by all means, take what is given freely! But do not seek to condeme me without even consulting me. That is another bully move! 

But anyways, thank you again to Jill, for everything! Thank you all who have reached out and asked the pertinate questions you felt you needed answers too, concerning my children. Thank you for being concerned for me. I appreciate it all! 

I truly think it is all just jealousy, envy, greed that is ruling my children. I think it is a FAD to just blame your parents for everything and be done. Easier to shrink accountibility that way. NO COMMUNICATION means NO RESPONSIBILITY. And the younger you are, the smarter right? 

Things come back around to every person! If you wrong, you will be wronged at some point and when you think you are owed the most, will be when it strikes the worst. Until we each seek to first acknowledge who we are at OUR CORE, nothing will help you grow in a better way, light, direction. You will always stand where you are. 

Heed the advice from ones that only damage others; point fingers to blame, never accepts accountability or responsibility, always wants attention, always the loudest, always the center, always seeking fun and adventure. They stand out for a reason! Be warned. Life does not work that way! 

I too, tried it in my 20's. Grew through it in my 30's. Accepted it in my 40's and gathering collateral damage in my 50's. Im only 52! I got til 54! And I have my own list of recompence and so little time to keep arguing with people who do not grasp the simple fact, they are not the first to go through any of this! 

I find myself seeking peace. Seeking peace from things I have done and people I have wronged. Seeking forgiveness because I wronged. Apologizing where necessary and talking out the differences. That is all I can do. That is all any one of us can do. I will never stop until I'm done here on this earth because it is just who I am at my core! 

For the life of me, I can not figure the girlfriend out and how I have wronged her at all. Goes to show, people and bandwagons!