Attended a counseling seminar last week that I had to sit down and go over again after I recieved the audio commentary. Placing here for everyone because it was eye opening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeauhZtuPoc
Reality is so much harder.
But hearing the validation that we all feel in facing not just my truth, but everyone envolved, THEIR TRUTH counts too. Not just for one person, but for all people. Not just that one situation, but the collective whole.
She hit on the very essence of caring and what it means.
She hit on being heard not just talking or not talking.
People will always SHOW you who they are. It is up to each of us to listen to that.
She tells you what I have known for many years. A persons actions will give you more insight into what ever they say or don't say.
I hate that all I get is blame from people I have loved all my life. While they seek to validate their silence without cause, or resolution. Even if they feel they have a valid reason. Its the silence that shows more than anything THEY DO NOT CARE.
They validate each other by getting others to join their cause. At some point, its just not worth fighting for on my end anymore. And I think the worst part for me, as a mother, is by the time they realize this, I will have learned how to move without them or need of them in my life anymore.
She helped me understand its ok to allow them their bounderies and their truths in situations. But without the same in respect, they have deduced me to insignificant. People who love you, people who want to continue a relationship with you, people who try to resolve the distance instead of adding to it, will always find a way WHEN BOTH CARE.
But bounderies without a resolution is NOT CARING. It is the exact opposite actually.
I keep demanding they take responcibility. But I need to demand better than THEM for my life, if this is all they have to give me. Because I gave them way more than they have ever gave me. Including a broken heart. Where love alone resided. Now, because of their individual actions, not so much. I now have fear, tripidion, broken trust.
I know I said I was done talking about my kids, and I am in a real since. There is absolutely nothing else I can do and will not try. But this is my place for my feelings and thoughts and I have been adviced to countinue writing down my actions and thought processes. And being that my life was for so long about my children, I can never just not talk about how they have impacted my life. All good, because even in their bad times, I loved them through it and we learned lessons together.
I am starting to feel they are my past and I morn that. But it is what it is and I can no longer not speak about my very real life that I never asked for. I never asked for any of this. But I am the one who will carry the blame for them!
I'm saddened because I will have two more grands here shortly and I will not get to meet them. And that makes my heart hurt so bad. But I am not into hurting anyone anymore. And most of all myself. Selfish, maybe. Protection, definately! For me and the babes who will suffer when the parents get mad again!
I know my worth. I know my value. And if this is how they want to treat me, when I have never treated them with anything but love and consideration, I do not need them in this life.
Happy Memorial day guys! Hug a vet! THEY are worth it!
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