To Mom

Empty.

I just feel empty anymore. 

I do not give up on my loved ones, but they too easily gave up on me.

Time is no ones friend.

And it all goes way to fast.

I am not the first, I will not be the last. I understand a lot more now than I ever did in my youth. I understand the faces my mom made when I would visit her with kids in tow. I understand the disappointment from her in many of my choices. It did not change her. It changed me! 

All I can do is reflect on it and apologize to her. To let her know I understand. I fully feel what she must of felt then, now. 

If I owe anyone anywhere an apology, it would be her. 

She did so much with so little. And at least she tried! She never gave up. 

Today I am blessed because I still have her in this world. I have her knowledge. I have her guidence if needed. But most of all, we have a friendship that I can lean on when needed. No matter our differences in anything else. 

I chatted with her on Mothers day a few minutes. And it made me stop and think about the little stuff, the big stuff. And I have reflected on all of it over the past few days. 

I want her to know she was enough! She is enough! She is my mom and on that alone I will respect her and love her. But anything else, its a bonus. The arguments, the laughter, the dinners, the tears, all of it! She never HAD to do anything. But she DID DO all she could. 

I love you mom. I truly hope you always know I am here if you ever need me, at least for as long as God sees fit.